Its Friday, again (funny how that keeps happening) and I'm so happy its here! I'm looking forward to a nice warm weekend in Phoenix watching Zeek's soccer games and hanging out with good friends. I can't wait to relax with a cocktail (or 2), enjoy some good food, good company and have tons of fun making projects planned by Heather!!
As you know, this week has been very hard for me. I experienced something very traumatic and I am having a hard time recovering from it. I hate that I am expected to just get up, dust off and move on. How easy...share your secret if you have one...
MONDAY:
Monday began as normal, I thought since I was 'fine' I could work my usual 10.5 hour day and manage. I didn't take into account the 12 children that were going to make my mental noise unbearable, an emergency chiropractic appointment that took over an hour, another hour spent on the phone with the insurance company trying to get a rental car nor the random bouts of tearfulness and space staring I experienced. I luckily came to my senses Monday afternoon and called all my daycare parents and regretfully apologized but I couldn't work on Tuesday. I needed a 'mental health day' to recoup and organize myself. I am fortunate in that they all understood and even asked if one day was enough! My car was towed over to the auto repair shop and my rental car was picked up Monday night. QJ screamed from the inside of the house as they were loading my car on the flatbed, "My car...my car!! No car!" I think he's as attached to it as I am. He must recognize that it is now our best friend since it helped save my life! Unfortunately, he's freaked out of the Dodge Ram rental, "No truck...no truck...scared truck! Want car...where car?" Very funny boy...
TUESDAY:
I took all day Tuesday to catch up on sleep since my nights had been full of thinking and analyzing...I was exhausted (and very, very sore)! Thanks to Jay who took QJ on errands and Riann for picking my kids up from school, I hardly got out of bed!
WEDNESDAY:
Wednesday was a normal day back at work, less tearful but another chiropractic appointment to go through. I finally sucked it up and went and got a massage that night and couldn't believe how much better it made me feel. I was surprised to discover that the pain in my body hit me the hardest 2-3 days AFTER the actual accident! My arms felt as if I had carried my car through the accident instead of actually driving in it. After my massage, I was finally able to get a good nights rest for Thursday. It felt great!
THURSDAY:
Thursday I hardly left my house...it was a good thing. I woke up feeling 'normal' if you could call it that. My mind was a lot less foggy...very aware yet very ready to move on, it gets easier...right?!?
FRIDAY:
Zooming in to today...I feel good. I had another chiro appointment this morning (3 a week for a month will get me back to normal...so they say) and I actually faced my fear and drove the route past the accident. I had avoided the freeway all week although it would have gotten me where I needed to go much faster than it actually took. I was scared...my palms were sweaty, my breathing was rapid, my heart was racing, I was anxious and scared! I HATE THAT!! I like to be in control...I like feeling safe (go figure), I like thinking everything is OK. It was most difficult seeing the skid marks going OFF the road. It also unnerved me to see the 3 foot around cement pole in the middle of the median that was in my path...how did I miss that? It shook me up all over again how lucky I was.
I have to admit, I learned a lot about myself (and others) this week. I don't need to be strong all the time. I can admit when I am upset or need help. I don't need to feed into others ideas of where I should be mentally/emotionally or physically. I am where I am...take it or leave it. It can only get better from here, please understand that.
I discovered what a true friend is, who I can count on and who I can't. I'm amazed, STILL, at others reactions (or lack there of) to what happened...I guess I need to remind myself that what I went through is still IN MY MIND as awful, others are not expected to understand that, it didn't happen to them. I am thankful for the few friends and family who were able to at least "imagine" for my sake what it MAY have felt like and reached out with kind words. It meant more than I can explain.
I discovered a renewed sense of passion for Jay who has been nothing but sensitive/understanding/loving/compassionate/helpful to me, my emotions, my lack of energy, my distractedness, and/or my spewing of repetitive expression. He gives me a hug when he knows I'm upset (the gnawing of my inside lip gives me away every time) and even helped me out of bed the first couple days when I felt like a 90 year old woman all stiff and hurting.
{No, this is not all about Britt day/week, it just feels very therapeutic to put these thoughts into words}
On a side note, the kids and Jay are doing great! Jay is finally getting busier as each week progresses. (Finally is the operative word here...the winter has been a slow one in the hVac business) He is enjoying his new skis (Grizzlies???) and thinks he's better (thanks to the skis of course) than he was even in high school on the ski team! {Smile} Zeek got a 10/10 on his spelling test yesterday (par for the course for that smart boy) and Tika is quite excited since finding out her teacher is expecting her third child this fall (she gets to be a big helper which she of course excels at). QJ is...well...2. He told me the other night that he threw away his bugger...in his mouth. {Yum...}
Happy Friday, have a great weekend!!
::{**Thanks for listening**}::
Thank goodness its Friday!! I can admit to being completely exhausted by the end of a long work week (56 hours long to be exact) and I am the first to confess to being poor company come Friday night.
Between you and me...I don't want to see another diaper, bottle, or sippy cup nor hear another knock or ring of the doorbell for ATLEAST 61 hours. I want relief from my dishwasher, dust buster, and hand sanitizer. I want a break to make breakfast/lunch/snack for only the Smart 5, not the nose dripping (said with love) 12.
I NEED quiet time and relief from the constant whining, 2 year old attitudes, 3 year old tattling, 9 month old crying, 1 year old screaming, and the all ages toy throwing. If I hear the word NO! one more time....
{{OkOkOk...I admit...I love how Logan tells me he Wuves me or that Molly will follow me around the house until I finally sit and she crawls in my lap as if she belongs there. I giggle when I think of how Grace will perch wherever her little hinny will fit (usually on the edge of the bouncy seat) 
or how Chloe tries to manipulate me into an extra snack because Molly's still hungry. I visualize Linus' or Dylan's smile when I least expected them to grace me with one or I melt when I hear Nova or Kaeleigh's belly giggle that only 9 month olds can make. I smile thinking of how Austin 'sleep walks' for the first 20 minutes after I wake him from nap or Autumn's grunts when she wants your attention (sounds like a mix between hey/uggh). I look forward to Violet's little wave when she leaves each evening as if she was entering the Miss America pageant and I listen in awe when I hear Mae Mae's vocabulary at 2 (she speaks as well as Tika at 6!!). I marvel at how each child knows the others shoes, sippy cups, mommy's and daddy's and even, yes, who has "the" poop. Yes, there are amazing moments and amazing little individuals in my little world at the Smart Start Daycare that make each day worth it...they keep me going (the Red Bull helps).}}
With that in mind...I am so thankful for my decision to move the daycare up to the loft 
and I pat myself on the back for the brilliant idea of consolidating my highchairs (they are as hidden as Waldo) from 6 to 3 which has giving me back my main level. I can even entertain...if I can find the energy...
I love that I moved the diaper changing station from the hallway by the bathroom to my laundry room so I don't have to bump into it when I turn the corner since seeing all those diaper bins and wipes boxes was too much of a reminder/nightmare of how many diapers I change each day (63 give or take)..jpg)
(Hallway AFTER moving diaper station...space better used in my humble opinion)
(Diapers in said laundry room...how organized am I?!?!) :)
I love that I can pretend (Friday night through Monday morning at least) that I actually LIVE here!! No, I don't have a closet (its now a nap room)
nor an office OR my "craft room" any longer which has moved from the spacious loft (shared with my office) to my hall closet 
and my 'office' to my dining room...
but heck...we can't have it all. I'll take what I can get at this point and right now its...perfect! I love what I do...I really do. I just thank goodness for Fridays.
Enjoy the view from my perspective and see what I see now...would you have ever guessed that I watch 16 kids here!?!?
Now you get it...
Have a great weekend...I will!!
