TGIF...

Its Friday, again (funny how that keeps happening) and I'm so happy its here! I'm looking forward to a nice warm weekend in Phoenix watching Zeek's soccer games and hanging out with good friends. I can't wait to relax with a cocktail (or 2), enjoy some good food, good company and have tons of fun making projects planned by Heather!!

As you know, this week has been very hard for me. I experienced something very traumatic and I am having a hard time recovering from it. I hate that I am expected to just get up, dust off and move on. How easy...share your secret if you have one...

MONDAY:

Monday began as normal, I thought since I was 'fine' I could work my usual 10.5 hour day and manage. I didn't take into account the 12 children that were going to make my mental noise unbearable, an emergency chiropractic appointment that took over an hour, another hour spent on the phone with the insurance company trying to get a rental car nor the random bouts of tearfulness and space staring I experienced. I luckily came to my senses Monday afternoon and called all my daycare parents and regretfully apologized but I couldn't work on Tuesday. I needed a 'mental health day' to recoup and organize myself. I am fortunate in that they all understood and even asked if one day was enough! My car was towed over to the auto repair shop and my rental car was picked up Monday night. QJ screamed from the inside of the house as they were loading my car on the flatbed, "My car...my car!! No car!" I think he's as attached to it as I am. He must recognize that it is now our best friend since it helped save my life! Unfortunately, he's freaked out of the Dodge Ram rental, "No truck...no truck...scared truck! Want car...where car?" Very funny boy...

TUESDAY:

I took all day Tuesday to catch up on sleep since my nights had been full of thinking and analyzing...I was exhausted (and very, very sore)! Thanks to Jay who took QJ on errands and Riann for picking my kids up from school, I hardly got out of bed!

WEDNESDAY:

Wednesday was a normal day back at work, less tearful but another chiropractic appointment to go through. I finally sucked it up and went and got a massage that night and couldn't believe how much better it made me feel. I was surprised to discover that the pain in my body hit me the hardest 2-3 days AFTER the actual accident! My arms felt as if I had carried my car through the accident instead of actually driving in it. After my massage, I was finally able to get a good nights rest for Thursday. It felt great!

THURSDAY:

Thursday I hardly left my house...it was a good thing. I woke up feeling 'normal' if you could call it that. My mind was a lot less foggy...very aware yet very ready to move on, it gets easier...right?!?

FRIDAY:

Zooming in to today...I feel good. I had another chiro appointment this morning (3 a week for a month will get me back to normal...so they say) and I actually faced my fear and drove the route past the accident. I had avoided the freeway all week although it would have gotten me where I needed to go much faster than it actually took. I was scared...my palms were sweaty, my breathing was rapid, my heart was racing, I was anxious and scared! I HATE THAT!! I like to be in control...I like feeling safe (go figure), I like thinking everything is OK. It was most difficult seeing the skid marks going OFF the road. It also unnerved me to see the 3 foot around cement pole in the middle of the median that was in my path...how did I miss that? It shook me up all over again how lucky I was.

I have to admit, I learned a lot about myself (and others) this week. I don't need to be strong all the time. I can admit when I am upset or need help. I don't need to feed into others ideas of where I should be mentally/emotionally or physically. I am where I am...take it or leave it. It can only get better from here, please understand that.

I discovered what a true friend is, who I can count on and who I can't. I'm amazed, STILL, at others reactions (or lack there of) to what happened...I guess I need to remind myself that what I went through is still IN MY MIND as awful, others are not expected to understand that, it didn't happen to them. I am thankful for the few friends and family who were able to at least "imagine" for my sake what it MAY have felt like and reached out with kind words. It meant more than I can explain.

I discovered a renewed sense of passion for Jay who has been nothing but sensitive/understanding/loving/compassionate/helpful to me, my emotions, my lack of energy, my distractedness, and/or my spewing of repetitive expression. He gives me a hug when he knows I'm upset (the gnawing of my inside lip gives me away every time) and even helped me out of bed the first couple days when I felt like a 90 year old woman all stiff and hurting.

{No, this is not all about Britt day/week, it just feels very therapeutic to put these thoughts into words}

On a side note, the kids and Jay are doing great! Jay is finally getting busier as each week progresses. (Finally is the operative word here...the winter has been a slow one in the hVac business) He is enjoying his new skis (Grizzlies???) and thinks he's better (thanks to the skis of course) than he was even in high school on the ski team! {Smile} Zeek got a 10/10 on his spelling test yesterday (par for the course for that smart boy) and Tika is quite excited since finding out her teacher is expecting her third child this fall (she gets to be a big helper which she of course excels at). QJ is...well...2. He told me the other night that he threw away his bugger...in his mouth. {Yum...}

Happy Friday, have a great weekend!!

::{**Thanks for listening**}::

2010-010397...

This 10 digit number is my police report number. Yes, you read correctly...I am cited in a police report. Now, before you go jumping to conclusions...it was NOT my fault and I am ok...

Yesterday afternoon I was involved in a car accident on I-17 southbound. I was in the left lane going about 60-65 mph. I had a large F350 in the right lane next to me, I actually was behind him not but 2 minutes before but decided to pass him. Suddenly, I heard a loud noise to my right. I looked over thinking the truck had a blown a tire. When I looked, however, I was graced with the image of a red 2 door sedan that had obviously just merged from I-40 Westbound onto I-17 Southbound and had just hit the truck next to me. After colliding with the truck, the red sedan spun around to the left and came head on into my lane. Before I could even think about it, I was slamming on my brakes to avoid hitting this car and plowing right through it. I swerved quickly to the left (this saved both our lives and left skid marks on the freeway if you happen to look leading into the median). I still collided with the red sedan with my right bumper, bounced off and ended up in the median.

Well...actually...that's not where I "ended up". I plowed down--into--and through the median (dirt/rocks/vegetation)and up the other side to finally cross 3 lanes of oncoming Northbound traffic. I ended up in one piece on the Northeast side of the freeway...quite a distance from where I began on the Southwest side. (I noticed after the fact that there is a large (about 3 feet around) cement light pole in the median that should have been in my path that I avoided?!?!)



As you can see, not much damaged occurred to my beast of a machine. It handled the impact quite well. I have some damage to the back tires as I went off-roading at top speed (there is a red bull can shoved into the engine under my car from nosediving into the median). I will know more about the damage to the Yukon after the adjuster and auto repair take a peek at it.

I am thankful that all I sustained is a very sore/jacked back, sore arms, ribs and neck. (My organs feel jostled and tender from my bumper car adventure.) The highway patrol man casually mentioned to this shock induced survivor (me) that he was surprised I was alive, he should be picking me up off the freeway right at that moment. If you think that came across as insensitive...it wasn't...he was reminding me that I could very well have been slammed into at 65 mph by a semi-truck that was traveling north when I made my ballet dance across the freeway. I don't know how I got so lucky. I can't decide if I was in the right place at the right time or in the wrong place at the wrong time...

My only goal as I was barreling down/through/up the median was please don't roll...please don't roll...I will die. No, my life did not flash before my eyes...I was focused on controlling my car and STOPPING!! I don't even remember skidding across the northbound lanes or finally stopping. I just remember reaching into my pocket and grabbing my cell phone to call Jay and 9-1-1.


All I know today is that I was thankful to be able to come home and hug my family. I was granted an extension...there is something/some reason as to why I am here. My mind is reeling. I feel as if I'm in a fog. I keep replaying the accident, what could I have done differently...

I catch myself staring off into space, thinking...pondering. I guess I'm still reacting. My doctor has told me that he expects the adrenaline to wear off today or tomorrow and the complete reality of the situation will hit me in the face. Its crazy how our minds/bodies go into survival mode...the consequences are that to protect it, it numbs it. I will need to feel what I went through. Its hard to put a price on the emotional/mental aspect of this accident. I will know how much my car was damaged by the total number...what about me?

I have had people downplay what happened..."the car looks fine, your so lucky, must have been nothing..." If the car looked how I feel...there would be nothing left. I am lucky my car doesn't look worse, it means I survived. Now I just need to heal.

Interesting fact: If you are driving at the speed of 65 mph, it will take you a footballs field distance to come to a complete stop.